I've been wanting to write about this a long time, but didn't get a chance until now. A couple of months ago, I was at a upmarket day spa and an assistant came in with a jar of hot wax in one hand, and paper strips in the other. I held open the door for her as she passed, and she looked at me in surprise. “I've been working here for five years madam,” she said “no one has shown this much consideration.”
And all I did was hold open a door. Didn't cost me a thing.
I have no idea if she was being truthful, but it did take me by surprise that in such a popular place frequented by well-off, probably educated women, no one had looked at the assistant as a person. It's such a little thing – holding a door open, saying "Thank you", writing a good comment, leaving a positive feedback about a shop assistant or a waiter. And yet, she said no one had done it before.
That's when I began to notice. And I realised that many people really don't do these little things. When we go in for work, how many of us take for granted the “Hey, How are you?”s or the “Looking good today”s that greet us. And we also smile at the “Thank you”s and the “Have a great evening”s that bid us goodbye.
How many of us pass on these greetings and wishes to the people who work for us? The maids, the nannies, the drivers, the watchmen. How many of us open the door and greet them with a namaste or a smiling “Come in.” And how many of us say “Thank you” when they leave?
While none of us would appreciate being addressed by our designations at work, we constantly do that with the people who work with us. Even kids say “Ayah,” or “Watchman” or “Driver.” This sounds even worse when we're yelling for them from a distance. “DRIVER!!! Idhar aao!!!” How would we like being addressed that way by out managers ' “ASSOCIATE EXECUTIVE! Come here!” At the most, polite parents insist that kids suffix the designations with 'Uncle', as in, “The watchman uncle has come.” Don't these people have names, or are we too forgetful to remember them?
There's a kid of Ken's age in our apartment who comes down to play and his nanny accompanies him carrying his water bottle or any toys he may want. I can understand sending a chaperon, but a coolie? Can't the kid carry his own bloody water-bottle? He walks around like a spoilt brat threatening his driver, beating up the presswala's kids and ordering his nanny about.
I've often been tempted to spank that little prick as he lords over the place, but there's not much I can do except feel happy that he's so going to give his folks hell when he grows up. This kid is just an extreme example of the total fallacy of our feudalistic attitudes towards people of a different economic or social class.
Not many of us encourage our kids to use a respectful tone while addressing the domestic staff. How many say “Aap biscuit dedijiye, please?” instead of “Ayah tum biscuit do!” Kids are encouraged to wish their teachers and uncles and aunties of the same or better economic groups, but not the maids or the drivers or the watchman.
Teaching kids to be polite is not easy. It requires us to treat people like individuals and not stereotype them - all the time. It needs us to be polite and step off the "Maids are so XYZ", "That class of people are like this only," bandwagon. It requires us to greet, to hold doors open, and to mind our own Ps and Qs. That's when kids begin to understand that this is how people should be treated.
It's a given for people to treat their staff rudely that initially there's bound to be consternation when one person begins to be polite. But keep at it. We did. Most of the new security staff in our complex think Ken is pulling their leg when he greets them. And after a while they get it and begin to wish back. There was a time when parents taught their kids their Ps and Qs. Today, looks like we've forgotten them ourselves.
9 comments:
very, very close to my heart. i can see the look of surprise every time i say thank you to the security guards at buildings i visit or at a restaurant or take away.
the other annoying thing is the way people use the term 'houseboys' here. gets my goat.
while we demand respect at our workplaces, we are not willing to give the same deal to those who work for us.
@Ummon: I get the whole "houseboy" thing. We've banned the word "servant" from our vocabulary for much the same reason. The maid who does the cleaning is called the housekeeper and the person who sits the children is called the babysitter or the nanny. :)
When I was 12 and travelling to school by school bus, I had this habit of saying 'Thanks' to the driver when he dropped me off at my stop. Once, I did the same when I was using the public BMTC bus and then turned to my mom saying 'Oh! I thought this was my school bus'. Mom said, 'It doesn't matter, you can say thanks to anyone who has helped you. It is not wrong'.
She always insisted that we talk to our house help in plural as in 'aap'. I do that even now, even to ladies who are younger than me and many people are amused beyond words. They say I am just letting the maid sit on my head :-P
@ Shilpa: I have been subjected to the "maid sits on my head" comment a lot. I used to ignore it. Of late, I feel compelled to clarify my point of view. When people with prejudices feel no compunction about airing their views, I don't see why I should shut up.
Couldn't agree more. I always say my thank yous and I believe in being normal(read polite and respectful) to domestic help/drivers etc.. And you know what people call me - they call me 'Angrez'! It irritates me that so many of us treat people who help us in so many ways, without whom we can't function, in such shoddy, disrespectful way. It comes from the parents.. Children pick up things from the way the parents behave, and if they see good manners and respectful behavior, they will pick it up.
I am enraged whenever I see people and especially kids misbehaving with their domestic help. I even blogged about an incident I witnessed two years ago. But I feel what shines through is the quality of their upbringing and education. When we were growing up, we always addressed our maids by name and aunty. Even now I cannot imagine calling a driver a driver! When these people throw their weight about, they only advertise about what their parents taught them.
@ Joy" I'm so happy to see other people feel the same way about this. We have to all start a "Show Respect" movement on the Net, perhaps with a post on each of our blogs. After we've done that, we can begin on the "Fair wages for domestic helps" campaign. What say?
What you are talking about basically amounts to something like unionizing the domestic helps. But the problem is these people are often so poor that they are not in a bargaining position. The supply of cheap labour is much higher than the demand. Give the workers bargaining power and they will start getting respect.
@ Joy: I believe that only the workers have unions. The fact that the domestic worker sector is unorganised makes it harder for them to unite. It's not the poverty but the fact that they are still casual workers - not an organised sector.
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