The symbolism of the saree

Continuing my train of thought from the previous post, I realise that apart from its grace and uniqueness to our country, the saree also has a lot of symbolism built into it.

This is best illustrated in Indian cinema, where the heroine starts off all bubbly and happy in pants or salwars, and then as her life gets more melodramatic and miserable, she moves to sarees.
The lack of detailing and the reducing price of her sarees symbolically depicts her transformation from a creature of mirth to a creature of pain.

Slowly, the bouffant comes off, the double plait becomes a single one and then even that makes way for a severe bun, often covered in a ghungat. The change in her dress reflects the downslide in her fate as she transforms into a melancholic person with a brave weak smile making an occasional appearance on her now tragic face.

Millions of women wear the saree everyday and are comfortable with it. But reducing it to a married woman's uniform is unjust and a gross violation of a person's rights. Why can't a woman be good without looking like Nirupa Roy?

What if the girls' parents insisted that the groom wear dothi-kurtha all the time? If the in-laws insisted on the hijab, is that alright? What if the issue was raised over the ghungat? Or a sleeveless blouse?

Of course anyone can have rules in their home. But what if, by virtue of marriage, it becomes as much the daughter-in-law's home as it is yours? Doesn't she have the right to be comfortable there? She has to wear what you ask her to or move out? Look at the options the woman has! She has to take your orders or "take your son away."

When families insist on women making wardrobe changes after marriage, they don't realise how much is at stake for the woman concerned. What you wear is as much a way of expressing your personality as your handwriting and your style of speech and your religious beliefs.

Changing the way you dress is a way of changing your identity. Of course, philosophers may say that my clothes should not be my identity. The fundamental me will stay unchanged no matter what I wear. I agree, but I also believe that the fundamental me is going to have a big chip on the shoulder if someone is going to force me to practice what I personally don't believe in.

This is the first step towards a changing personality. Suddenly I go from easygoing to resentful, may be even angry. All those scheming buas and bhabhis who play mindgames and politics in your home are probably thwarted, disgruntled women whose "punjabi suits" were trashed by their MILs.

The first thing you do by changing a person's style of dress is taking her or him out of their comfort zone. Whether you are adding on high heels or removing her make-up. And why would any loving family want to make their loved ones uncomfortable?

While I do agree that when a group of adults stay together - either as a family or as roommates - there have to be some basic rules in place so that other people are not inconvenienced by unannounced skinshows. But I fail to see how a 'punjabi suit' would cause inconvenience to the family while the saree would not.

I can meanwhile imagine how the 'bothersome garment' could cause a thousand little inconveniences for a woman not used to them. She has to learn to tie it on her own, passably well . Till she does, she often invites criticism on her and her mother's head about her lack of proper training. She's not going to be pleased.

She cannot climb stairs or take long strides unless she is used to the saree. She is definitely going to feel uncomfortably hot. She'd spend half her time ensuring that the damn thing doesn't fall off slowing her down in her household chores, often inviting more criticism on herself.

Apart from this, the very idea of someone dictating to an adult on her choice of clothes irks me. Why is it that the law recognises us as adults when we become 18 and we are forced to bow down to the tyranny of the age hierarchy - all our lives?

By law, we are guaranteed equality, freedom of speech and expression, and freedom from exploitation. Whether we accept it or not, the fact remains that clothing style is an important part of a person. And if she cannot stay with her husband in her marital home without changing into uniform, it is tragic that the Court thought it right to deny her even the freedom of divorce by turning down her request.


Forcing a saree on a woman who is fashion conscious or who is picky about style is so wrong at so many levels. While Dostana's Desi Girl Priyanka Chopra did look hot and happening in a sari, the problem with a sari that is not made of net and worn with a halter neck is that it is often a serious, modest garment. And, of course, "bothersome."

It has long been a custom in India for a woman to move into her in-laws home and fit into their family. Just because a practice has been in force for a long time in a particular place does not make it right. Female infanticide, human sacrifice, child marriage and sati were all customs that have been around for a long time in India. Today, they are crimes.

I'm the first to acknowledge that this gradual tearing down of a woman's identity is not as serious in the physical sense as these other customs which are now crimes in India. But unless the Indian courts put their money where their mouth is and protect the individual's right to equality, life for the already oppressed Indian woman is just going to be a little bleaker.

Unless better sense prevails and someone does away with the thousand little compromises that women are expected to make just for the privilege of being married, more and more women are going to resent their in-laws and punish the spouse for these violations of her right to choose.

You can make people do what you want, but they're probably going to hate you for making them do it. All their lives. Dialogue, not dictatorship. After all, you're trying to run a family here. A daughter-in-law is uncomfortable enough as a newcomer into your home without you adding to her misery by making her wear unfamiliar clothes.

Forcing women to dress the way you like is the first step to seeing statements such as "Will not tolerate in-laws interference in matter of food, dress, career etc. Do not want to live with in-laws." in TOI's new Equality Matrimonial ads.