Old loves: Phir Kabhi

Coincidentally, I watched two films with a similar theme last week. Both dealt with aging couples meeting soul-mates and finding someone to share the loneliness of their old age. The first, Pyar Mein Twist, opens with widower Yash Khurana (Rishi Kapoor) handing over the reins of his business empire to his son Rahul.
He meets Sheetal Arya (Dimple Kapadia), a widowed businesswoman preparing for the marriage of her second daughter, Ria (Soha Ali Khan). Her older son and daughter are married.

Sheetal and Yash become fast friends. As their children and society pressure them to break up, they take off on a vacation together. They enjoy each other's company so much that they decide to get married. The kids finally realise how unfair they're being and fall in with the plan.

The second film, Phir Kabhi, has the lyrical quality of the Gulzar classic, Ijaazat. A fabulous film with a great screenplay and some nice music, the film is strengthened by amazing performances by a great cast. Understandably, this film never made it to the theatres and released on DVD. I'm glad that this film escaped the poison pens of critics who cannot appreciate a good film unless it features SRK in the USA or is product of one of the media-approved art film makers such as Shyam Benegal.

Phir Kabhi is the story of retired station master Hari (Mithun Chakraborthy), whose world is suddenly shaken up when Lakshmi (Rati Agnihotri) his wife of 4 decades dies. Ganga, Hari's first love from school who has remained single so long, sees the obituary and writes to him. When he does not respond, she writes again inviting him for a class reunion. As the two reconnect, his daughter-in-law intervenes to put a stop to the relationship. With his grand-daughter and his son taking his side, Hari again gets a second chance at love – with Ganga. I loved is movie better because it was more sensible, subtle, funny and beautiful.

But that apart, both films really got me thinking about how selfish children can be. Even after the parents spend all their lives taking care of their young ones, the kids don't want to let parents go even in their old age.

In the first case, Khurana's son could not understand how his father could form an attachment because they never shared a close relationship even with each other. He also looks upon this as a betrayal of his mother. He relents only when he realises that Yash is not his birth father. He is Yash's older brother's son. When the elder brother died young, Yash walked away from his girlfriend to marry his bhabhi at his father's insistence. Only then does Rahul accept Yash's new relationship with Sheetal.

In Sheetal's family, her daughters and son face pressure from their spouses and in-laws to make their mother conform. This despite the fact that Sheetal's sister-in-law Toshi is on her side. Only when Dia's fiance takes her part does the rest of the family follow suit.

Do old men and women actually need to take permission from their kids to form a relationship? At what point will families stop being so suffocating? In my opinion, it all boils down to money. Children are afraid that a relationship formed at this point will rob them of the inheritance that they expect as matter of right. They don't want some scheming individual to steal their parent's money. They want to do it themselves.

Parents fund a child all his childhood – which they have to do. It's their job because that's a commitment they made. And after the kids grow up, they are expected to fork out not only fees, but also insanely high donations and get the kids into colleges. And parents – and kids – think that it is their duty to do this. Apart from this, all the tuitions and coaching classes and God knows what else.

After all this, parents spend the money that they have collected over the years to conduct the children's weddings. In the case of daughters, parents continue to fund the childbirths of their grandchildren, as well as several of the functions in the daughter's sasural. Often, parents go into debt for these expenses. Apart from the financial aspect, parents are also expected to be the caretakers of their grandchildren and act as doulas for their children.

At what point does this cycle end? When will kids become more liberated and gift their parents the same trust, liberty and love that they enjoy so much? From time immemorial, parents have been convincing their kids to get married to escape from loneliness in old age. What about the old people who are left partnerless in their old age? If they feel the need for support, is it so wrong to take it when they find it? It's hard enough to find in the first place.

Kids might say that old people who take such a step are opening up themselves to be set up by gold-diggers. Perhaps. But aren't we all? Every time we bring someone into our intimate circle, whether in our old age or in our youth, we are taking a risk. Big Deal!!! After all, "The secret to life is to take pleasure in being terribly terribly deceived... "