This is who I wanna be

Time: Last night
Place: My bed, Flat No 203, Hyderabad
Charecters: Leena, Age 30
Kevin, Age 4

Kevin: I don't wanna go to school anymore. All the kids are saying Kattif to me.
Leena: Well, why?
Kevin: Because I beat them.
Leena: if I keep beating up all the time, will you say dost to me or Katti?
Kevin: I will say Dost.
Leena: Well, if Riya beat you all the time, will you say Dost or Katti?
Kevin: I will beat her.
Leena: (slightly exasperated voice) ken, school can be really awesome or really bad. How it is is upto you. You gotta study there for the next 13 years. You better make friends and stop beating up people. When I was at school I had lots of friends. So did your Dad. When you grow up do you wanna me like your Mum or like your dad, don;t you?
Kevin: When I become big, I wanna be like Kevin.

Case rested. What an awesome sense of individuality!!!! How did I come to possess this child? Is there an older version of this individual who is unrelated to me somewhere out there?

Poetry and Prose

I’ve been reading Foster’s Howard’s End. To a lot of people it is the story of the interactions between the different socio-economic strata. Is it about what happens penniless scholarly Leonard sees soulmates in the Schlegel sisters? A sort of escape from the sordid reality of his ex-prostitute wife, Jacky. A breakthrough into the world where midnight walks and moonrise are appreciated.

Do I want another bruise to hide?

“And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Check that he is sleeping
Pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write

And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the backseat
Wonder how they'll ever make it through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys and another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she'll have to go home

Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there's hope in the darkness
You know you're going to make it

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through”


I have been listening to Savage Garden all day and I heard this. For the first time I was concentrating and the lyrics got me. Darren Hayes is amazingly perceptive and he has the knack of putting your thoughts into the best possible words and the tunes are set so well.

Angry. Red hot angry.

Ken has been ill. For some reason this has made me mad. He was bubbling over with health and vitality on Friday. And I was bubbling over with plans. Shruthi's surprise party. Trekking. Picnic basket. Ken in his Red Spiderman shoes fortifying himself with a packet of Lays Chips and walking by my side. Girls day out (with one lil chap to take care of us). Rocks. Grass. Trees (They totally turn me on.) And then I come home to find my baby looking drawn, curled up, lying forlorn and alone and lost in the middle of a vast bed.

Murphy's law on a roll

It was a strange day today. We had planned Shruthi's birthday in so much detail. First came a trip to Nagarjuna Sagar. And then we figured that one day was too little time for so long a trip. Then the Sagar changed to Osman and the drive changed to a trek. With a picnic thrown in.

Valentines Day and an apology to an undiscovered species

Finally Valentines Day is here. Spent yesterday (like most single people) cribbing about how this is a waste of time. But I wore blue and looked pretty. And was happy to note that none of my closest friends at work wore pink and red. That was the ultimate test of compatibility.

Avigyan called yesterday and objected to the number of times I have said “Men Suck” on my blog description. He says he "hates the hatred" I feel. And that set me thinking. Do I hate men? Not at all. I am quite content to sharing the planet, office space and even the house with them (I live with Kevin who’s a man’s man, though he’s 4).

I wish.... I had met more people like you....

Ash’s birthday finally arrived and since she loves flowers, we ordered three bouquets to be delivered to her through the course of the day. She was quite surprised when she got the first one – anonymous of course. She called her boyfriend who denied having sent one.

Surprise dinners and more predictions!

Tomorrow is Ash’s birthday and we planned a surprise party for her tonight. What a trial it was to get her to the location. We fixed on Malgudi’s for dinner. We decided to get her boyfriend to ask her to meet him there.

I called and who should pick the call but Ash herself. And then I had to come up with a reason right away. Being really sad at lying I made up some story about some work related issue. If she wondered why I was calling her boyfriend at 10 pm to talk about work, she never let on.

Out of control

Highlight of the day.. From my inbox. “u look really sexy in this new pic da... really mmmhhhhhhhhh... i cant control...” Now how exactly am I expected to reply to a message like this. I didn’t think it warranted acknowledgement.

Some guys are singularly obnoxious in a sea of regularly obnoxious males. And I blog about them. I have developed the theory that despite all these blogs, since they continue being loathsome, perhaps the whole thing is an attempt to get featured in this blog.

In this case, he has succeeded. When I see such tragic excuses of humanity I too "can't control."

Thru my loss....

After 7 months at Google, I have got the responsibility I have long coveted. I am now Team Advisor. And what makes it a double bonanza of sorts is that “lil bro” Akshay is one as well.

As a joint celebration 24X7 (of flat No 302 fame) got together an clicked snaps. It was such a good feeling to be back together and to feel like we were one complete unit again.

I remember reading a poem on a card long ago… Distance never separates hearts that really care… And after a long time of feeling sad at my loss, I felt like in my loss I had gained something special. I knew I could reach out and the intangible bond that was there is not really gone. It was there.. within my reach.

Kennisms on Sunday

Church in the morning in such as sad saree that had Ken say, “Is that Rebecca’s? Please don’t wear it, Mama.” Rebecca is my maid. And her taste in sarees is not of the best order. Shopped all day today and have a black top and another black and white one to show for it.

I go through phases in clothes. I’m going through a black phase right now. Have discovered that the color looks good on me and I wear it every day when I can. Since my wardrobe has a lot of blacks, that is not hard to do.

Intimacy, Maggi and matrimonial ads

Interesting day. My social calendar seems suddenly too full. No time to blog even. Promised to attend one person’s concert and promised to go to a movie with someone else. Realised too late what I’d done. Very equitably, I didn’t go for either.

Had to go out to do 2 things. Pay Ken's fees and place a matrimonials ad as per The Family’s instructions. I thought well, what the hell, it's not going to hurt and The Family will beat their chests and say “Mogambo Khush hua.”

Movie Marathon

Stayed up till 4 am. Watching movies. Set a target of 10 this weekend. Three from Darshan. The rest from Shyam. In her Shoes was kind of cool. Interesting performance from Cameron Diaz. But Elizabethtown! Well, what can I say but that I learnt a little bit about life and living from it.

“I wondered why I never laughed so much when he was alive. Then I realized. You need time to extract fun from life,” says Susan Sarandon as she tap dances at her husband’s memorial speech.

“Everyone needs to take a road trip,” says Kristen Dunst as she encourages Orlando Bloom to find himself as he travels with his Dad’s urn, scattering him over America.

“We’re the substitute people.” Kristen Dunst again.

“I want you to get into the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that’s happened”. Yes it’s her again.

Loved it. Appreciated getting a chance to watch something that was more theatre than cinema. As Darshan still waits for his Claire, I just wanna take that road trip. The other films were good without being life changing in this way.

Do I look like I need protection?

It’s amazing how much in need of protection I seem to be. Here’s this "person" from the male species who makes friends with me on Orkut. We exchange couple of e-mails and phone numbers. He seems normal.

He claims to be a committed Christian, asks for my number and then calls me with a tragic story of how he has been a perfect cad. Well, he’s a cad and feeling blue about his caddishness. How on earth am I supposed to react! “It’s alright child, these things happen?!!!”

To all the musicians I've heard before

Today was such a miserable day that I felt life had no purpose whatsoever. And whilst I was feeling sorry for myself, I stayed on at office, called my Mum thrice to tell her that life had lost all its savor. I even backed out of attending Avigyan’s rock show.

The mood lasted till 7:30 or 8 in the evening when Rhea suggested that we go for the show. I enjoyed myself so much that I stayed – and life became beautiful and worthwhile again. Music! There’s very little that can compare to its power. To all the people who make music out there, I am awed by your guys! Truly! And when the ride to fame and fortune seems so not worth it, know that there are people who back you – some of them may be vocal about their support, some of them are not… But they do back you.

And to all those who dismiss certain genres of music as loud, cacophonic or "not music at all," these guys love what they do, they believe what they do. If you can't enjoy their music, you can at teh very least respect that they come out there and make it.