The madness of being 30 and me

I like “junk jewellery” and Rhea had mentioned that Calcutta is a good place for the kind of ethnic stuff that I dig. Suddenly she called and told me that she had decided to go to Cal for a vacation with her Mum.

“Wanna come along?”

Feminism ya Masochism?

The thing about having your heart wrenched out and stamped over is the healing process. I remember a guy who was pretty accident prone telling me that he was safe now coz his head was now held together by so many pieces of steel that it was like having an inbuilt helmet. That’s probably what’s with me as well.

I just go, “Ya Ya Whatever…” I had blogged some time back about soul killers and I’ve begun to realise that they’re so good for the human race. They make people more ruthless, more tough. You can look back and say…

Kindred Spririts.. And the lack of them thereof

I have a small weep to weep today. My cousin had a baby and I called to congratulate her. She and her Mum both began that eternal question about my marriage. Just because I am polite to people, they look at me at this bundle of potential – all pliable and waiting to be moulded. And would love to do the moulding.

Unfortunately, that is not true at all and though I may be shapeless with lumpy like a piece of coral, I am as hard as coral too and any attempt to mould will probably break me and them I wouldn’t be me at all!

Unforgiving feminists and why I would poison my guests

It is Sunday night and I am so tired. I tried a new church today and neither I nor Kevin was (or is it 'were'?) well pleased with it. But I hope that we will get used to it in time. Since the church I go to insists on having its English service at 6:30 a.m. when I always am in the arms of Morpheus, I seem to have few options left. This one with it's 11 am service works better.

On marriage and reading

Yesterday was spent entirely in bed… with books. How gloriously good I felt since morning. Then I went to CCD with Ken. My plans for a night at the disc went to zilch for lack of company. How I wish Ken was 14 (so I could pass him off as 18). But then he’d probably have his own girlfriend.

Incorporating change... and shattering a few illusions…

A lot of people who know that I was working with a newspaper ask me if I don’t find the entry to MNC life a little tiresome or boring. Such people usually have a highly romanticized view of the life of a journalist.

Do we get to go interview celebs? Yup. And for our pains, we get our illusions stripped as the celebs turn out to be less interesting and more prone to tantrums than the neighborhood child.

Why I spanked Ken

I spanked my son yesterday. I spanked him ostensibly for writing “C” the wrong way yesterday.

The real reason I spanked him was because I was so afraid that if he doesn’t meet the academic bar of his school, I might have to find another for him next year.

I spanked him because I was so afraid that a TC at kindergarten would mean a black mark that will follow him his entire academic career.

Television’s new codification of reality

This is a paper I wrote at University. What I would give to get back to Academia and think these thoughts. University was the only space for thought. Random free thought...

Mass media is a means of transmitting communication from one to many using an electronic or mechanical channel. Edmund Carpenter suggests that all languages are mass media – they are tools for communication (one-to-one and one-to-many). He extends his theory to include the inverse – all mass media are languages. Thus, in his opinion, new media like film, radio and television are new languages.

Angst

It’s been a quiet few days. I have had nothing much to say. I have been alternating between periods of blankness and periods of thought. But very few periods of conversation in between. The world around me seems worthless and conversation seems meaningless.

What do I gain by talking, by debating on the worthlessness of men, the clever things that Ken does, the incidents of the world around me. What does one drop in the ocean matter more than another. A listlessness settles down over me.

Tagged again - I'd go out for dinner with....

This is the second tag I have got and being about a somewhat thought provoking subject and since the person who tagged me is someone I know well, I shall answer the question. Ash wants to know who are the 6 people I will invite for dinner and why. Dream dinners are better than dream lovers:-

1. Jeff Goldblum (so I can just melt in his presence)
2. Jerry Seinfeld (Awesome sense of humor)
3. Colin Firth (Looks good enough to eat in period costume)
4. Rupert Grint (Ronald Weasley - I've a feeling about him.. a good feeling)
5. Laurie Adams (An amazingly beautiful friend of mine - I know she'll enjoy this company)
6. Natalie Arsenault (Another friend with such an amazing sense of humour. Between her and Jerry, they'll keep the table in splits)

On being tagged about dream lovers

Someone tagged me and I have been asked to write about “8 different points of their perfect lover and Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged.”

As a serious conscientious opposer of spam in any form, I shall play spoilsport and not join the game. I completely refuse to ask people such depressing questions such as “What should your perfect lover be like?” It smells too like an online dating site to me.

A weekend drowned in books

I spent this weekend rereading a bunch of books that I have always loved to read. Mr Midshipman Easy is a book that I have read.. Yahoo! And I loved it... truly loved it.. I love all these lost-at-sea Survivor type books...

Right now, I am reading Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome and enjoying it hugely. I also found a lovely not-so-little book called The World's Best Loved Animal Tales, and it is such a nice collection of bedtime stories, (though I read them after and before bedtime). Perhaps I am too old to be reading bedtime stories about talking animals but, when I was a child I barely owned any books worth their name.

The Mitigated Pleasures of Parenting

I get a lot of comments both from friends and strangers who read my blog about Ken and ask for more. Most people who meet him off and on think that being his Mum must be such an unmitigated pleasure. And that is not at all so. It is a pleasure – but a very “mitigated” one nevertheless.

I love my books almost as much as I love Kevin and for that reason, Kevin regards them with deep suspicion and dislike. When he was less than three everytime I was on the phone or when I was busy he would take the opportunity shift my books from their rightful heritage of the bookshelf and rearrange them on the floor.

Writers Blocks and Writing Scams

One of the minuses of living in a developing, as against a developed, country is that you can’t always find all the books, documentaries and movies you want to watch. Only paperbacks of “books that sell” are mostly sold here.

Many old classics and several awesome films that you read about are just not available. I sometimes download them from online and read them like that. Sometimes I’d love to travel just to stock up on books.

Masochistic Motherhood

Ken always picks 2 cars out his 60-odd collection and takes them to bed with him (probably the male equivalent of stuffed toys, though for the life of me I can’t imagine hugging a hard, pointy edged car when I’m in bed).

Anyways, I was having a late dinner and was sitting right next to the bed. Ken was trying to race the cars on the bed when I was not looking (and pretending to sleep when I was) , and one after the other the two cars raced themselves off the bed.

Twelve things I hate about me

1. First, I need space to myself every day… So despite my exuberance, I am not always bubbling over… I sometimes just want to curl up and read… My high spirits tire me out sometimes and then I need to rest, during which time I usually lie down and read or I sleep… Then I am ready for some more fun…
2. I wake up only be 7:30 or 8:00 in the morning… So I’m a bit of a sleepy-head… I don’t mind staying up late… In fact I love talking through the night and do that often when my cousins stay over…
3. I love watching old Tamil films and love happy films…(including Rajini’s latter films)
4. I do not read or listen to news… esp war news and celebrity news
5. I love spicy food…
6. I am not always as empathetic and polite… especially at home… with those I love… (That is a serious flaw, which I am trying to rectify…)
7. I am not disciplined… The 11th hour is the time I work best…
8. My cupboard is often messy…
9. I eat at unorthodox hours…
10. My head is filled with just enough knowledge as is necessary for work, home and some socializing… It’s not a deep or strong knowledge about “important intellectual things”…
11. I don’t lie well…
12. I can’t keep my own secrets much… Other people’s secrets are easy to keep…
    

Harry Potter and the Plate of Dal Chaval

I have not blogged for quite a few days now. I am living up to my name as a careless blogger. Even when I had nothing to write, I could write it. But however low spirits and an almost obsessive need to spend time with Ken has made it impossible to even look at my computer.

Travel around the world and live more simply

Mty friends are right. I am too much of a drama queen. When I am sad, I wallow in self pity and listen to sad songs till the very degree of sorrow becomes soap operaish. Now that I have sung and cried and blogged and messaged and scrapped my pain away, I am feeling better. The 12 hours of hibernation time was all that was needed to lift up my spirits again.

I feel friendly towards the world again and everything has re-acquired that rosy hue once more. Besides God has been good to us and it was a cold night. So I could curl up in bed under a dozen pillows and a blanket and enjoy myself all night.

To the Soul Killers

Are people evil? I don’t think that even the evilest (is that a word?) of us thinks of ourselves that way. What draws the line between evil and not evil is the importance we give other people. Someone goes down that irreversible path when he thinks that his greed/lust/envy/wrath is more important than the life of other people.

Sometimes you lose all sense of proportion and end up with someone’s life or someone’s soul on your hands. I wonder if people like that can really sleep well at night knowing how much they’ve irrevocably ruined another person’s innocence.

Am I lying? Or am I just different?

I watched 15 Park Avenue today and I could say this.. Mitali (Konkana) is not comfortable with the English language so she will probably do better to stick to whichever language she is comfortable with. The realism of her acting was seriously undermined by that.

Skirting Sympathy: The Indian Girl who went up the journalistic ladder and came down the supermall stairs

I came across this account of my fracture as I was scouring thru old e-mails looking for a friend’s ID. And I thought that it would make an amusing read.
December 11, 2003: When Nikhil (my boss) told me that I had to accompany the photographer to supervise a photo shoot at a supermall, I expected the assignment to be exciting. This was the coolest mall in town. And I always visualised photographers as long haired, stubble-cheeked, artistic-looking young men.

Should I be scared or voyeuristic ?

Quite late in my reading career, I have read Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde and Pavilion on the Links. The former was supposed to be the height of suspense at the time of its publication. The latter was rated pretty thrilling as well.

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I had heard so much, and so much that was pretty terrifying about Jekyl-Hyde, that the actual book didn’t scare me at all. I always avoided horror novels because they scared me and I dislike being scared.

When Ken turned 3

Today I found an old draft of my old blog on Kevin’s 3rd Birthday and thought I’d put it in as a nice memory. It came up a week after I finally wrested my freedom back.

My friend Michael had sent an ecard and Kevin so loved it, he wanted it played over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and….. well, you get the picture…

Why I lie to Rebecca

Everytime I open my blog I ask myself. Do I blog or do I rant? Today I rant. Rebecca. Like Daphne du Maurier’s infamous villainess of the same name, Rebecca has overtaken my life in subtle but effective ways. Rebecca is my live- in nanny-cum-maid. She is a very religious nanny. Seriously. She is very serious about her soul and prays for my redemption. While I appreciate her interest for the immortal, I wish she would take care of us mortals and not bring on our mortality faster than it is scheduled.

The return of Kevin

Kevin arrived in the new house yesterday. With his arrival the house is complete. My schedule is as warped as ever and I wonder where my leisure went. He has changed. For one, he is better looking. Fat and cute and dimpled. For another he talks a lot. For a child who is as aware of his rights as Ken is, this is quite inconvenient for the rest of us.

Shopping with Akshay

Akshay has returned to the city with his mind made up. He needs a computer and a washing machine. He needed both for the last six months but it’s only now that he has finally decided. He takes so much time to think something out and its so easy to confuse him by offering up more options that I’m always tempted to play this game with him. I would too, if it didn’t affect me. But it does, so I wisely refrain.

So today we went shopping. With all the six months of planning behind him, two choices remained. Computer first or washing machine first? After that was thrashed out over breakfast, two more choices came up. Automatic or semi automatic? Then more choices. LG or Whirlpool. The only way to get out of that complicated situation was to dump the washing machine on the back burner for a while and go for the PC. At least with that there was a specific brand and model number decided.

Proposals of friendship

Today my source of entertainment was my e-mail box. Some loser had e-mailed me asking if I was interested in “a friendship with no barriers.” I totally find so bizarre this tendency of 21-25 year old men to write in to a completely strange woman and asking that toddlerish question “Can we be best friends?” or as in this case “Can we have a friendship with no barriers”?

It would be cute to see my 4-year-old niece promising undying friendship with her 3-year old neighbor. Call me sexist, but I would find this behaviour strange in my 4 year old son. He just goes and hold out a cream biscuit from his snack box and he and his bench-mate have this unspoken pact of friendship. Sometimes it’s slightly more bizarre where they fight over this self same chocolate biscuit and viola! Next day they’re pals. I can say for him that at 4, his social skills are so well developed that he would never go around verbally proposing friendship as he would a marriage.

Making a house a home

Took off from work and spent today doing up the house. I’m filled with self satisfaction as I see the house looking so nice. Also got the cable and Internet cables laid. All will be set in a day or two. The infrastructure is in place.

The sediments that covered the plumbing and the floors have been almost driven away by Harpic and Acid. The bookshelf is just filled to the hilt with books. It gives me such a good feeling to look at it. Finally Kevin has a decent cupboard for his clothes. And the house looks quite livable – even a little nice.

Most people are amazed that I could take a day off to clean house. But I needed to go from a decent space and return to one. And now, after 12 hours of washing, sweeping, swabbing and hard scrubbing I have a home in Flat No. 203.

Resolutions

I start this year with a pretty packed To-Do list. Gayathri and I have a pact to gym every day for at least half an hour. Also morning walks are in order – another pact, with Aswathi this time. We have promised that by the end of the year we shall be slim and hot girls. For now, we are content to be cool….

I also plan to join either watercolor classes or piano with Kevin. Will give me something interesting to do and also make sure I spend some time doing something together. I still have to locate a course.

Also on the cards is to improve my spiritual life, track my finances better, give 100% to my job (now that the personal front is in better order now.) My big ticket items for the year are a trip to somewhere special and possibly a house. Let’s see how may of these get fulfilled.

The relaxed atmosphere of yesterday really helped today. I began my first morning walk ion 5-6 years. And work went amazingly well. I also bought a bookshelf and a bureau. Here’s to 2006!

Kissing dogs and men in 2006

Last night after the move I went to Gayathri’s place. She was looking so pretty (for that matter so was I) and I was so glad I still had Suhel’s camera. We picked up The Village and A lot like Love.

Met Aswathi at the Pizza Hut and she was looking so different when she had dressed up and so lovely that we almost missed her. Ani joined us and we all went off to claim our reservations at a restaurant until we realized that none of us had the slightest idea where the place was and worse, we didn’t have the number either. The person who recommended the place was not reachable either.