You know how it is when a bunch of women get together… We talk about ourselves. Relationships. Work. Relationships. Men. Relationships. Philosophy. Relationships. Non Family stuff. Relationships… You get the picture…. And like all discussion, it gets me thinking.
What is this with relationships that make us hyper-micro-analyse it? Is it that we want relationships? Yeah.. kind of… But not entirely. Is it because we are at some level involved in unsatisfactory relationships? Probably… Is it because relationships are interesting to talk about… We’re getting close now… The real reason, though, is that we see a lot of relationships that have untapped potential. We look around and say “Why not!”
And really, why ever not… And the reason a relationship does not reach its potential is a lack of passion. Passion, not just in the sense of hungry kisses and tearing off clothes in the back of a car… but just passion to be with someone you really care about. And who really cares about you.
Couple of years ago, I was in a chatroom and I met this chap from California.
I never met him since. But he told me something that stayed with me. He was NRI, 38 and single. We got around to talking about.. what else… his singlehood.. and he said.. “You know, I don’t want to marry a woman I can live with. I want to marry someone I can’t live without.” And that, to me, is the mantra.
Like all families, mine too thinks that marriage should be a high-priority item on my to-do list… And perhaps in a way, they’re right. It IS on my to-do list. But I’ve not gotten around to actually doing it. (Except once before and I refuse to accept ANY responsibility for that.)
That was one of those Mumbai-metro-rail-style thingies. There I was, standing and waiting for my train and there came this large overbearing crowd comprising family, extended family, well-wishers, friends, friends of friends etc… that decided to take a specific train, and I just got caught in the melee. One minute I was standing on the platform. Next thing I know, I’m hurtling down the highway to hell.
Thankfully, somewhere along the line, the crowd got off and this time I actually made an effort to push through and get off on another platform. This is not exactly the platform I want to be in. But.. nevertheless, at least I am not on that highway. And this time round, no crowd is pushing me into any f*g train! If I get on it, I’m going to do it on my own steam.
Now that I’ve got THAT off my chest, I shall get back to the.. where was I… Oh! passion… So about passion… I totally believe that if you are standing on the platform, you should wait for your own bloody train. Getting into it shouldn’t be a compromise. It shouldn’t be about, “What the hell, I am waiting. Might as well get on some train coz the one I’m waiting for might NEVER come along…” Well, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t… You could end up as a 38-year old on a chatroom. But waiting there with the hope that someday your train will come, is better than just climbing on anything that comes along.
Increasingly though, I see fewer and fewer risk takers. People come on the platform and get on the first available train. And worse, when you see some of the folks who are making that compromise, it takes you aback. You see people who have everything going for them, who can afford to wait for that great romance.. and they just climb on to a train. Maybe that’s a pretty smart thing to do. Settling into a safe, stable, benign relationship. But it hurts to see that happen. It’s like a horse morphing into a cow.
People are even falling in love in a level-headed way. I see a lot of folks who think that they have met the love of their life, but they walk on by with a shake of the head. They look at racial, cultural, religious, social and economic divides. Many of them are more practical and business-like about love than their parents would be.
All the great romances are dwindling into practicalities and nitty gritties and all those little prosaic things that make life boring. Passion has left the pages of literature and made a debut in the columns of accounts books. Damn!!!! Am I mad just because I so miss the drama or is it because I really feel passionately about passion. Could go either ways.. Will take another look at this about six months from now. Unless I’m on another train.. Or bullock cart…
24 comments:
Well, here's another thought...
What if I'm standing on the platform waiting for my train to come along, when I should actually have been catching a flight at the airport?
On a different note, tearing of clothes in the back of a car is not a great idea even in the most intense moments if you live in India. There's always Dilli Police that's "With you, for you, always!" or Hyderabad Police for that matter, that's looking out for that opportunity to get a huge bonus on their meagre pay.
Re the flight thing: That is a SCARY thought. And that probably is what I'm doing.. Perhaps I must be looking at the flight schedule! hmmmm...
Re the car backseat thing: Is that why we don't do it? I "yam beginning to understanding" you more everyday. And seeing it's the cops, the "bonus" might not even be what they're looking for. It might end up on a trailor-porn- site types.... Scarier thought than the flight one! YIKES!!!
Is that why we don't do it?
Of course!!! Cos the passion's all there! :)
Also, no need to be scared of the trailer-porn bit.... the bas**r*s interrupt you midway... I mean, since one's paying up anyways, might as well let one finish.
@ amateur: When are we planning the 25 km drive? BTW, did you notice that the first part of your blog name so fits the porn role?
Drive: No 'comments'
Porn: I get a lot of hits from searches for "Amateur Gals" so the realization did dawn on me.
Relationships?? - You mean the past relationships or the relationships you want to have and how you would like to have it... Bcos most people talk about relationship (incl. me-so i will be critical of myself too) most of the times w/o even being in one and not being courageous enough being in one bcos they are afraid of getting hurt.. Hey everything like most things are not perfect in this world.. So if its past, its ok.. but if its about future, how about going and giving it a try than just talk... just a general opinion.. so dont jump on me, ppl..
“You know, I don’t want to marry a woman I can live with. I want to marry someone I can’t live without.” ... - Thats so a standard pickup line. I cant beleive u fell for that and started thinking. I ve heard seen and read that so many times myself. However true that might be, it may just become a fantasy for many in reality..
"You could end up as a 38-year old on a chatroom. But waiting there with the hope that someday your train will come, is better than just climbing on anything that comes along"... - Remember our discussion on this. I would still say best way is to turn to the right side, my side.. :) ..
If you read "The Naked Ape" by Desmond Morris, it is explained how humans are likely to polygamous by nature.
Going strictly by that, I suggest we should try out living in groups comprising of a number of men and women and practise some free love.
If not, let us all try to find friends with benefits.
Relationships be damned.
And that way Sriram's idea of doing what Warren Beatty advocates in "Bulworth" will be much closer to realization too.
Summit: If this comment was a ghazal, I would say "wah wah." Not being a ghazal, I say "hear! hear!" and thump the computer table (but you can't hear it coz this does not have audio). However picture the above...
While I have not read the book, I have seen his documentaries and I think he is on to a good thing.
Morris, like Osho, has discovered what people really WANT to do, and has taken the trouble to provide them logical reasons to do it. People like them justify our basic instincts. And we love them for making our consciences easier to live with.
Sriram: I am talking about the kind of relationship that I want to commit to. And who said anything about perfection? I was thinking of passion. Thanks for backing my opinion. I too believe that you “should go out and give it a try” rather than compromise.
And why should a pick-up line not set us thinking? I was not thinking about the man who said it, but the concept behind the line. Anything can trigger thought. Famous anecdote of Newton vs falling apple etc…. “it may just become a fantasy for many in reality..” That was the whole POINT of this post.
As for your side, women walking up to potential mates and proposing/propositioning might look like a great idea on paper but me not doing it (unless it’s Jeff Goldblum for whom I really feel that passion.. and with him it would be the latter).
@ sriram: Do you really advocate inter-racial sex to negate racial divides? Interesting.. Never knew you subscribed to that view. Sad that such a "shy guy" has such radical views...
Whats so radical about that view and whats that got to do with me being shy?? If everybody were blind, would you still be calling Inter-racial sex or just sex and why is it so radical? So you mean to say that Inter-racial relationships are very radical??
BTW however radical or attractive Bulworth's idea might seem, Scientifically or rather biologically its not possible even in million years, i guess.. Maybe a Genetics Scientist would know better... probably we have to rewrite the Chromosome and DNA structure in the Human Genes to acheive all people, one color status after a million something years.. :)..
@Careless: You so totally failed to get my point.. Well.. They all say its an unwritten rule that Men should walk up and talk and show interest to the women they like.. You could stick to it.. but all I was saying was, if a girl likes a particular guy, then give him clear clues or show him clear gestures or in simple words that she likes him and then let him make the first move... You know, Men dont like to think so much when it comes to these things.. Men have other things to do, like Saving the world from the Damn Aliens or if its El Americanos, then they have to save the world from anything that remotely looks threatening to the American way of life... So Give Hints or Clues woman.. maybe the guy is undecided too and doesnt want to make a fool of himself by asking and getting rejected... Pith them, Cowboys.. :)
@ Sriram.. Why again is interracial sex a biological impossibility? We're still the same species right? With appropriate compatible equipment? While it might be a pretty radical social change, I'm pretty sure there won't be any biological problems to deal with.
First I think a man can propose to ANY woman without making a fool of himself.
SITUATION 1: You know the girl
"Wanna go out with me?
"No"
"Ok. So, how was the weekend.." (continue normal pally conversation. DO NOT ask over and over again)
SITUATION 2: You don't know the girl
"Wanna go out with me?
"No"
"Ok. Cya around." (walk off)
See! Neither of the above men have made fools of themselves. Looking for CLUES or GESTURES is probably silly. One woman may talk a lot to the person she has a thing for. Another may clam up and walk off when he is around. Women are both unpredictable and heterogenous in their approach to men.
See! Neither of the above men have made fools of themselves.
That does not stop them from believing they have even if it wasn't for the giggly friends around the object of their interest. Do not discount the male ego. It is as much a reality as rationality in women is a myth.
@ Amateur: There are times when you say stuff I completely disagree with... but you say it so well it takes the fight out of me. :)
@Why again is interracial sex a biological impossibility? ...
let me clarify what i meant.. i meant the racial disintegration as a biological impossibility purely on technical or scientific reasons... if i understood biology right, inter-racial sex even for million years probly wouldnt make everyone same color in a longtime... thats wat i meant.. u misunderstood my point.. dont get it?? we can take this up seperately.. .. maybe i am wrong on techinicalities, which only a genetics expert might be able to tell..
and i totally agree with amatuer.. those giggles and embarrassments...
@ careless: Care to explain what kind of expression does one bear when one asks "Wanna go out with me?"
I picture a deadpan expression. Like the guy is examining his nails while he pops the quesiton.
And, at "No", he stops examining his nails and starts to pick his nose while saying "Ok. So, how was the weekend.." or "Ok. Cya around."
As his thoughts drift away thinking about when he can get back to the comfort of his bathroom to smoke half the joint saved up from the morning. :-)
I think every adult should have these people around him/ her:
1. People who you can talk to and confide in, and depend on, if you really really need to, (friends / boyfriends/ girlfriends / spouse)
2. Person / people with whom you can and want to sleep with (boyfriends / girlfriends / spouse / ...).
I don't understand this train, flight etc. The simple truth is that one needs (1) and (2) above.
@ Sriram: Ah! Got your point now.. Sorry me REALLY slow on the uptake...
@Sumit: As always, I agree with whatever you say, Sumit. What a refreshing different "dating how-to". Has that always been your style? How long did it take you to perfect it?
@ Leaves comments: THAT would be Utopia. Are you there yet?
or maybe its how we are evolving...genration by generation we are getting smarter as a race. the consequence, we over analyse our love lives just like we do our monthly budgets...all that is vague and doesnt fit is neatly disposed off...
read a newspaper clip that most japanese women prefer ironing to sex. sigh.
@ charmed: Most married women probably do. The Japanese ones are liberated enough to admit it. Most Indian women probably choose child-rearing and shopping. After all, SOME men in Asian cultures don't take the "I have a headache" line seriously.
Careless: You can never reach the stars if you are scared of heights but some do have problems with vertigo....my advice dont let other people's handicap ruin your dream. If it matters to you, prepare to hang around the platform with bag and baggage...even if your train never comes....the sights are interesting ;)
Now I am starting to understand the train thingy.. and I can immediately see what is wrong with it. When you think of a train, you think of a set route and the destination is known. But I think you should think of it more like a bus or a taxicab in which you are the only passenger.
The bus route is fixed, but maybe you can convince the driver to make stops at interesting places or take turns to go where you want to go. Of course, the driver may not want to do that because of his/her rules and goals, but at some point, given the constant badgering and/or the love for you, he/she will agree. If not, you have the option of getting off.. and travel on foot for a while till you find another bus or a taxicab. Ofcourse, you'll have to remember that every bus driver is different. I wouldn't hate all bus drivers if I've been on just one bus that went the wrong way.
A taxicab is even better.. you tell the driver where you want to go. The driver may give you other options.. but you have the power to over-ride that.
Changing the route of a train is harder because there are are these higher-ups (family) involved. It is good to stay away from trains and take the bus or the taxicab.
@ piggy: That's why I'm still at the station. But I'm falling more in love with myself by the minute that it's going to get tougher and tougher to get on to anything.
@ leaves comments: I fear that I am finding the damn station so inspiring that the taxi driver will have to whack me on the head, drag me to the cloakroom and make passionate love to me before I notice.. Am increasingly not even noticing the damn pickup lines...
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