Ken has been ill. For some reason this has made me mad. He was bubbling over with health and vitality on Friday. And I was bubbling over with plans. Shruthi's surprise party. Trekking. Picnic basket. Ken in his Red Spiderman shoes fortifying himself with a packet of Lays Chips and walking by my side. Girls day out (with one lil chap to take care of us). Rocks. Grass. Trees (They totally turn me on.) And then I come home to find my baby looking drawn, curled up, lying forlorn and alone and lost in the middle of a vast bed.
I hated the world at that moment. That child has enough to deal with without asthma making the case worse. And I was so angry. I have been in a rage ever since.. I have sworn more in the last three days than I have in all my 30 years. Anger. Red hot, unreasonable, raging, kill-someone-painfully brand of anger surges inside me.
And I wonder how many people do this. Smile at the world and live their own private hells inside. Should life be such a bitch? Why? Then again, why not? Is this what drives the death metal lyrics? Is it at moments like this that people give up on life and decide to take the easy way out? Is this what leads people to slice themselves up and drown in dope?
Then again. It doesn't matter. Mine has been a nature to always pick up the pieces and find fun again. I still recall my tumultuous year at UNB. And when I finally decided to discontinue and come back to India and my son, my friend said that my life had too much drama in it.
"Drama is good," said Dr Galbo, my Sociology Prof, "Drama is one way of letting us know that we are alive." For a diva like me (as my close friends label me) I agree. I like the drama most of the time. It makes my life so much more interesting.
I still remember the countless friends and cousins who declared that they would rather have my stormy span than their own placid ones. And I know they are right. There's not one person with whom I'd willingly change my life. But.. just for today, I am angry. Red hot, unreasonable, raging, kill-someone-painfully brand of angry.
4 comments:
y papa?...don b so angry..its jus maternal instincts 2 feel dat way..chill have dahi papdi chat...(food therapy is the best therapy)...i strongly believe in it...lol..
As always, I shall take your advice. And as always it will work. I used to believe that nothing is ever settled unless it is settled right. Once in a while, though, I begin to believe that extra frosting on the burnt cake can be a good thing. Sometimes.
arre yaar..
i saw chuck d burnt cake n eat d frosting wid strawberries..lolz
Yup sweetie. next time we meet up, we'll do that. :)
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